BMT (RIP)
03-03-2009, 09:20
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123604419092515347.html
BMT
I am here with submitting my request for a bailout in the amount of one hundred million dollars. I apologize for such a small request seeing this as an immediate need, but promise to request additional help in the near future. I believe that I am entitled to this help because I am a loyal, hardworking American and see it as my patriotic duty to assist in the Stimulus and Bailout effort currently encouraged by BHO and Democrats.
I further believe that I am due this bailout because my current condition came to be as a result of poor management, bad judgment, inability to deal with changing problems, greed, laziness and a host of other failures too numerous to mention.
You can see that I am immanently qualified. I plan to help the economy and create jobs by:
1. Depositing ten million in the local bank. The bank can loan ten times their assets, so you see we will still have a hundred million dollars in circulation.
2. As CEO of this endeavor and having written the request, I will maintain a small pittance, say in the neighborhood of 50 million. I never really cared for a parachute, but a small private jet to use for my travels to Washington would be appropriate.
3. The remaining $40 million ($39,999,635.00 minus $365.00 for non-profit charity) I plan to give to my kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. They will buy houses, cars, appliances, lawn mowers and other household fixtures, thus creating a multitude of permanent jobs. They will send their children to school thus encouraging education. The medical profession will benefit now since the kids will have the money to buy health insurance.
You can see that this is a well thought-out, fool-proof plan that will jump start the economy, create jobs and help us out of the greatest economic catastrophe since the great depression. We no longer will be forced to preach gloom, doom and immediate annihilation of Capitalism and the American way.
Please send the money to pay four years of taxes.
I will pay two years back every four years as this now seems to be appropriate and approved by the IRS. Washington bureaucrats can now (since I solved the problem) spend time worrying about the next party, whose office is the largest, who gets the best parking place and other important problems.
Please send the one-hundred million by return mail. No thanks are necessary. I consider it a real privilege to help in this time of immediate economic danger.