The Eyes of Texas are upon you!

[Saoirse]

I just had to pass this along.....


THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU!



I'm moving to the Republic of Texas!

The Nation of Texas please note that Texas is the only state with a legal right to secede from the Union. (Reference the Texas-American Annexation Treaty of 1848.)

We Texans love y'all, but we'll probably have to take action since Barack H. Obama won the election. We'll miss you too.



Here is what can happen:
#1. V B. Hussein Obama becomes President of the United States , Texas immediately secedes from the Union.

#2. George W. Bush will become the President of the Republic of Texas.

So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic?

1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. We will control the space industry.

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States .

3. Defense Industry--we have over 65% of it. The term "Don't mess with Texas”, will take on a whole new meaning.

4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that.

5. Natural Gas - again we have all we need and it's too bad about those Northern States. John Kerry will have to figure out a way to keep them warm.

6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications--small companies like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Miconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi , Nortel, Alcatel, etc, etc. The list goes on and on.

7. Medical Care - We have the largest research centers for cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world, as well as other large health centers. Dallas has some of the best hospitals in the United States.

8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: University of Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT ( University of North Texas ), Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the South anyway.

9. We have a ready supply of workers. We could just open the border when we need some more.

10. We have essential control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an Army, but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an Army in 24 hours if we need one. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over Chuck Norris and a couple of Texas Rangers.

12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs, and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables, and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. Also, everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. Don't need any food.
This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have.
Now to the rest of the United States under Barack H. Obama:

Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only B. Hussein Obama will be able to drive around in his big 9 mpg SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes.
You won't have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off satellite communications.

You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Barack H. Obama has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas as long as you survive the 2000 years it will take to get enough heat from Global Warming.

Signed, The People of Texas

P.S. This is not a threatening letter – just a note to give you something to think about!
SLEEP WELL TONIGHT THE EYES OF TEXAS ARE UPON YOU!!

[Beerhunter]

Tips for Northerners Moving to Texas


* Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

* If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.

* Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

* If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a towchain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

* Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

* Do not buy food at the movie store.

* If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

* Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.

* There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.

* Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

* People walk slower here.

* Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

* The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.

* The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

* Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is an affirmative defense here.

* If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.

* If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

* Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.

* Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.

* The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.

* If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.

* Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.

* Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.

* Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.

* In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".

* As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.

* You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.