Jokes that can be told in Church

[Sdiver]

1) Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

The mother said, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"


2) An elderly woman died last month. Having never been married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her hand written instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "The sons-of-bitches wouldn't take me out when I was alive, and I'll be damned if they take me out when I'm dead."


3) Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. the first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, and he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.00 for it."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, and he calls it a song, and they give him $100.00 for it."

The third boy says, "That's nothing, I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, and he calls it a sermon, and it takes 8 people to collect all the money."

[Sweetbriar]

Got this in an email today:

Divorcing After 45 Years

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate
to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are
divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says.
"We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you
call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck
they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT
getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm
calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then,
don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says,
"They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares ... Now
what do we tell them for Christmas?"