View Full Version : The Sergeant Major
BMT (RIP)
06-30-2008, 05:42
The Sergeant Major doesn't sleep with a night light. The Sergeant Major isn't afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the Sergeant Major.
The Sergeant Major once visited The Virgin Islands. They are now called The Islands.
The Sergeant Major once counted to infinity . . . twice!
The Sergeant Major has the greatest Poker Face ever. He once won the 1982 World Series of Poker despite the fact that he held only a Joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, a Monopoly Get-Out-Of-Jail card, and a green number 4 UNO card.
The Sergeant Major once sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his rugged good looks and unparalleled strength. He then beat up the devil and took back his soul. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
When The Sergeant Major was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" The Sergeant Major received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
The Sergeant Major refers to himself in the fourth person.
The Sergeant Major can divide by zero.
The Sergeant Major can slam a revolving door.
When The Sergeant Major exercises, the machine gets stronger.
The Sergeant Major is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like the Sergeant Major.
The Sergeant Major always has sex on the first date. Always.
Dominus_Potior
06-30-2008, 08:11
The Sergeant Major sounds an awful lot like Chuck Norris. :confused:
Kyobanim
06-30-2008, 09:05
The Sergeant Major sounds an awful lot like Chuck Norris. :confused:
Chuck heard about the Sergeant Major and challenged him to a fight.
Chuck is now a spokesperson for Scooter Store.
The Sergeant Major named his cat Chuck Norris.
Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris wears Sergeant Major Pajamas!
The Sergeant Major doesn't sleep with a night light. The Sergeant Major isn't afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of the Sergeant Major.
Awesome BMT Sir! :lifter
Rock-On Sergeant Major! :cool:
Holly
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks HIS closet for the Sergeant Major.
Most people fear the Reaper.....
the Reaper fears the Sergeant Major.
God created the Heavens and the Earth.....
The Sergeant Major created God.
Peregrino
06-30-2008, 13:38
God created the Heavens and the Earth.....
The Sergeant Major created God.
Unsubstantiated rumor (though the SGM is known to use God's Name for punctuation where appropriate) . We can prove the SGM did the "walkthrough" and initiated the duty roster. :D
Unsubstantiated rumor (though the SGM is known to use God's Name for punctuation where appropriate) . We can prove the SGM did the "walkthrough" and initiated the duty roster. :D
Want to see God? Challenge the SGM on his DA Form 6.
You got duty when the SGM says you got duty.
Jack Moroney (RIP)
06-30-2008, 14:06
The truth about a brand new officer receiving his first salute having to pay out a silver dollar to the first enlisted man to render him such an honor is really protection money paid to the SGM ensuring that the 2LT gets preferentional treatment on the duty roster. As explained by the SGM to the 2LT, it enables the SGM to move him to the head of the list:D
Ret10Echo
07-01-2008, 06:38
Want to see God? Challenge the SGM on his DA Form 6.
You got duty when the SGM says you got duty.
Which one? The one on the bulletin board or the one in his desk? :D
The Sergeant Major calls the guys at the Nuclear Clock and gives them the proper corrections....
Dominus_Potior
07-01-2008, 07:59
Which one? The one on the bulletin board or the one in his desk? :D
The Sergeant Major calls the guys at the Nuclear Clock and gives them the proper corrections....
That really made me laugh out loud - just now my CSM walked in and asked what time it was.
frostfire
07-04-2008, 13:37
The Sergeant Major knows what he doesn't know
Bump!:cool:
The Sergeant Major knows the proper way to BBQ anything, anyplace, anytime!:lifter
Holly
mojaveman
05-31-2009, 23:52
I'd rather bump heads with an officer than a Sergeant Major.
"Forgive me Sergeant Major, how high did you tell me to jump?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLJ8ILIE780&feature=PlayList&p=A80B921F90F7EE56&index=9
bandycpa
06-01-2009, 10:18
That's good stuff. Thanks Holly for bumping this thread.
Bandy
hehehehe Gee, that sounds an awful lot like the Sergeant Major I KNOW! :D
Puertoland
06-01-2009, 15:31
Crop circles are the Sergeant Major's way of telling the world "Sometimes corn needs to lie down."
BoyScout
06-01-2009, 20:31
The major scientific consensus is that the Universe does indeed revolve around the Sergeant Major.
cornelyj
06-01-2009, 22:20
If the E-4's don't make the coffee Sergeant Major grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Sergeant Major once had to clean an M-16, it came back chrome.
Sergeant Major doesn't aim mortars, he moves the earth where he wants them to hit.
Sergeant Major once had to read an FM, he soon realized he didn't have to read it because he wrote it.
Sergeant Major can taste lies. He can also smell pogie bait from about 20 miles out, up wind, in the jungle.
Sergeant Major drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
Sergeant Major once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink once and say one nice thing with a smile. The earth also froze for a couple of minutes so no one can prove either.
Sergeant Major can piss into gale force winds.
If you have five dollars and Sergeant Major has five dollars, Sergeant Major has more money than you. Always.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are bugs and Sergeant Majors.
Sergeant Majors' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
God Bless the US NCO.
Snaquebite
06-02-2009, 10:53
As Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself...and the Sergeant Major."
When you open a can of Whoop-Ass...A SGM jumps out.
There are really 10 wonders of the world. The SGM counts as three.
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the Sergeant Major, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Don't get seen walking on the grass by the SGM, You might get buried under it. After all its holy ground.
Don't open up 670-1. SGM will be in there waiting for you !
BMT (RIP)
06-02-2009, 14:32
CSM Bill Edge once said" Growing Old Ain't for Sissies"!!
RIP Bill.
BMT
Puertoland
06-02-2009, 17:16
One day Fabio and the Sergeant Major crossed paths on the street. The Sergeant Major burst out laughing, Fabio burst into tears.
The cars beside them burst into flames.
The last time the Sergeant Major stepped on Superman's cape - the Man of Steel apologized.
The Lone Ranger went and bought a new mask because he was afraid to ask for his old one back from the Sergeant Major.
Richard's $.02 :munchin
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. The Sergeant Major 3. Cancer.
The Sergeant Major uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.
The Sergeant Major once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball the Sergeant Major played in second grade.
The Sergeant Major once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
The Sergeant Major once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Sergeant Major re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of the Sergeant Major's warm-up exercises before doing PT.
In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then the Sergeant Major turned that wine into beer.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is the Sergeant Major.
The Sergeant Major once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. The Sergeant Major won by 5.
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless the Sergeant Major has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
While urinating, the Sergeant Major is easily capable of welding titanium.
On his birthday, the Sergeant Major randomly selects one lucky SF candidate going through the Q course to be thrown into the sun.
The Sergeant Major doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. The Sergeant Major throws down!
Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered the Sergeant Major"
The Sergeant Major ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with the Sergeant Major. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.
You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then the Sergeant Major will find you and kill you.
The Sergeant Major has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, the Sergeant Major lives in Fayetteville.
James Cameron wanted the Sergeant Major to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
The Sergeant Major invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order.
Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to the Sergeant Major because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of the Sergeant Major's autobiography.
The Sergeant Major eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. QP's refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
When the Sergeant Major was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle.
The Sergeant Major doesn't play God. Playing is for children. :munchin
A-teams are powerful at force multiplication.
So are the B-teams when you piss off the Sergeant Major.
Slantwire
06-03-2009, 07:37
The last time the Sergeant Major stepped on Superman's cape - the Man of Steel apologized.
The Lone Ranger went and bought a new mask because he was afraid to ask for his old one back from the Sergeant Major.
Slim don't mess around with the Sergeant Major?
Slim don't mess around with the Sergeant Major?
Not anymore. ;)
The Sergeant Major brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.
The Bible was originally titled "The Sergeant Major and Friends"
Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. The Sergeant Major jumped out of a plane and punched the ground
It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call The Sergeant Major a giant meteor.
Q: How many Sergeant Majors does it take to change a light bulb? A: None, The Sergeant Major prefers to kill in the dark.
The Sergeant Major is the only person to ever win a staring contest against Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder at the same time.
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. The Sergeant Major told Bill Harsey that he needed some toothpicks, and Bill was happy to help out.
The Sergeant Major doesn't read FMs. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a glare from The Sergeant Major will liquefy your kidneys.
Ever wonder why the MFF school is now in southern Arizona ????
Well......
The Sergeant Major once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
The SGM has sex with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.
The Sergeant Major has the right to keep and arm bears.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from the Sergeant Major.
Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of the Sergeant Major is called Logic
The Sergeant Major doesn't call the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
There used to be a street named after the Sergeant Major, but it was changed because nobody crosses the Sergeant Major and lives.
The Sergeant Major has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.
The Sergeant Major died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
The Sergeant Major has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Some magicians can walk on water, the Sergeant Major can swim through land.
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Sergeant Major stories.
The Sergeant Major can cut through a hot knife with butter
The Sergeant Major doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it
Once a cop pulled over the Sergeant Major....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Death once had a near-Sergeant Major experience
The Sergeant Major is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
The Sergeant Major won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
The Sergeant Major will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
The Sergeant Major once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
The Sergeant Major can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs the Sergeant Major.
The Sergeant Major's hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
The Sergeant Major doesn't wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
The Sergeant Major runs Windows 7 on his Etch-A-Sketch.
The Sergeant Major made a Happy Meal cry.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with the Sergeant Major.
The Sergeant Major does not get parking tickets; he gets "thank you for parking anywhere" notes.
If The Sergeant Major were to ever run out of ammo, his weapon would continue to fire out of fear of disappointing the Sergeant Major.
In 1945 the Sergeant Major drank a Redbull and jumped out a plane. For image results, Google the word Hiroshima.
The Sergeant Major grinds his coffee with his teeth then boils it with his rage
The only person that the Sergeant Major listens to is another Sergeant Major...
mojaveman
08-27-2013, 23:37
The only person that the Sergeant Major listens to is another Sergeant Major...
Certianly you mean a Command Sergeant Major. ;)
Great thread! :D Methinks the Sergeant Major should be in the White House.
Great thread! :D Methinks the Sergeant Major should be in the White House.
I second that motion! Do the ayes have it? :cool:
I second that motion! Do the ayes have it? :cool:
Aye-Aye from Here! Good to see you Saoirse!:)
Where can one find a Sergeant Major, pray tell...:o
Holly
Aye-Aye from Here! Good to see you Saoirse!:)
Where can one find a Sergeant Major, pray tell...:o
Holly
Holly,
You should know by now .....
You don't find a Sergeant Major .... The Sergeant Major finds you. :eek:
Holly,
You should know by now .....
You don't find a Sergeant Major .... The Sergeant Major finds you. :eek:
S~
Should know by now, for sure...after all these years. Hope he can find me!!!lol.:p
But this is the all time BEST, IMVHO:
"Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. The Sergeant Major told Bill Harsey that he needed some toothpicks, and Bill was happy to help out."
And the Sergeant Major Only asked because Mr. Harsey is such a bad-ass knife-maker...the wood obeyed Him!!!:cool:
Holly
Where can one find a Sergeant Major, pray tell...:o
Holly
Ditto. :)
The "Army of One" slogan IS the Sergeant Major.
The only ones that ever scared me more than a Sergeant Major was...
1) My Team Sergeant...speaking very softly to me, saying "Come here dumb ass!"
2) HH6...waiting at the front door at 3AM after about 9 hours of drinking with my buddies!
The only ones that ever scared me more than a Sergeant Major was...
1) My Team Sergeant...speaking very softly to me, saying "Come here dumb ass!"
2) HH6...waiting at the front door at 3AM after about 9 hours of drinking with my buddies!
The Team Sergeant was in training to be a SGM.
HH6 - Hey, females can be SGMs also. Maybe she was taking one of those self improvement courses "Find your inner SGM" and was planning on using you as a training aid.