Sdiver
02-28-2008, 21:18
1) Don't tell me that you have abdominal pain as your eating a bag full of Doritos.
2) If you come to the ER by ambulance, the first thing I will ask you is how you're getting home. No, we don't have people on staff to drive you home, and don't tell me you don't want to "bother" one of your family members at this hour. You had NO problem calling 911 for the back pain you've had for the past 3 months, and interrupting MY dinner.
3) You don't get to pick your own IV site. This will irritate the hell outta me, and I will probably miss your IV on purpose and start your site in the place I wanted to initially.....just to prove a point.
4) "Butterfly" is not an IV size. This word signals me to put in a larger sized bore needle......like a 14g.
5) Nausea is not a reason to come to the ER. If you are not even in severs pain, and are not vomiting or pooping your pants in front of me, your butt goes back to the waiting room.
6) How can you have the worst migraine of your life, but are able to yell at me about the wait in the triage, after you just put down the magazine you were reading?
7) Don't ever say things like, "I usually get 4 mg of Dilaqudid." Requesting your med AND dosage will prompt me to squirt out half of the med before I inject, then lie about the dose.
8) If you are allergic to Tylenol, Toradol, and Motrin, I have already assumed you are a drug chaser.
9) If you called 911 to be taken to the hospital, because you have a Doctor's appointment that same day, in the building next door, be rest assured, I will let the RN's and MD's know this, and make sure that they run as many tests on you as long as possible, so that you MISS that appointment.
10) I don't care if you are neighbors with a GI specialist. Unless he drove you to the ER himself, you can't be that friendly.
11) Just because, "My Doctor sent me here", does not mean you get right back to a treatment room. This tells the triage RN, you are a pain in the ass, and your Doctor is pawning you off.
12) The louder you moan/whine, the BIGGER size IV needle you get.
13) Foley catheters cure pseudo-seizures. They also cure intoxicated persons.
14) If you are on more than 2 medicines at home, bring a list. Don't say, "you know, the little white pill". I'm NOT a pharmacist.
15) RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.
16) Don't bitch about missing breakfast when I'm on the 9th hour of my 12 hour shift and I haven't had a thing all day, and you're my 7th call.
17) What gives you the right to complain about your sore throat for a week while I have diarrhea from the antibiotics I've been taking for pneumonia?
18) Broken toes are not an emergency. We'll make you feel stupid by putting a little piece of tape down there, then kicking you out.
19) I am currently inventing a trapdoor system in the triage of all local hospitals, to be triggered whenever someone mentions the word "toothache".
20) Cover your mouth when you cough/belch. This is just common courtesy. When you neglect to do this, I am tempted to "rip one of the longest farts" you've ever heard, in the ambulance, and do it again at the ER, then closing the door behind me, and letting the staff know, NOT to go in there for at least 15 minutes.
21) If you tell me you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, know that I'm rolling my eyes and thinking you're a looser.
22) If you list Haldol, Geodon, Xanax, Trazadone, and Wellbutrin as allergies, don't tell me you have NO psych history.
23) When going through triage, never sign in with chest pain because you were too embarrassed to write "penile sores" or "foul smelling discharge". This will piss off the triage RN, that she bumped you ahead of people who are REALLY sick and they'll make your visit a horrific one.
24) Although you've been in the ER 4 times this week, you cannot list any of the ER Doc's as your family physician.
25) DO NOT TALK TO ME WHILE I'M TRYING TO LISTEN TO YOUR LUNGS !!!!!
26) Don't tell me you have no money for medicine, while you have a carton of cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone), and each of your 7 children are playing with their own PSP's.
27) Gravida 7, at age 22, means you're a slut.
2) If you come to the ER by ambulance, the first thing I will ask you is how you're getting home. No, we don't have people on staff to drive you home, and don't tell me you don't want to "bother" one of your family members at this hour. You had NO problem calling 911 for the back pain you've had for the past 3 months, and interrupting MY dinner.
3) You don't get to pick your own IV site. This will irritate the hell outta me, and I will probably miss your IV on purpose and start your site in the place I wanted to initially.....just to prove a point.
4) "Butterfly" is not an IV size. This word signals me to put in a larger sized bore needle......like a 14g.
5) Nausea is not a reason to come to the ER. If you are not even in severs pain, and are not vomiting or pooping your pants in front of me, your butt goes back to the waiting room.
6) How can you have the worst migraine of your life, but are able to yell at me about the wait in the triage, after you just put down the magazine you were reading?
7) Don't ever say things like, "I usually get 4 mg of Dilaqudid." Requesting your med AND dosage will prompt me to squirt out half of the med before I inject, then lie about the dose.
8) If you are allergic to Tylenol, Toradol, and Motrin, I have already assumed you are a drug chaser.
9) If you called 911 to be taken to the hospital, because you have a Doctor's appointment that same day, in the building next door, be rest assured, I will let the RN's and MD's know this, and make sure that they run as many tests on you as long as possible, so that you MISS that appointment.
10) I don't care if you are neighbors with a GI specialist. Unless he drove you to the ER himself, you can't be that friendly.
11) Just because, "My Doctor sent me here", does not mean you get right back to a treatment room. This tells the triage RN, you are a pain in the ass, and your Doctor is pawning you off.
12) The louder you moan/whine, the BIGGER size IV needle you get.
13) Foley catheters cure pseudo-seizures. They also cure intoxicated persons.
14) If you are on more than 2 medicines at home, bring a list. Don't say, "you know, the little white pill". I'm NOT a pharmacist.
15) RN is not synonymous with waiter/waitress.
16) Don't bitch about missing breakfast when I'm on the 9th hour of my 12 hour shift and I haven't had a thing all day, and you're my 7th call.
17) What gives you the right to complain about your sore throat for a week while I have diarrhea from the antibiotics I've been taking for pneumonia?
18) Broken toes are not an emergency. We'll make you feel stupid by putting a little piece of tape down there, then kicking you out.
19) I am currently inventing a trapdoor system in the triage of all local hospitals, to be triggered whenever someone mentions the word "toothache".
20) Cover your mouth when you cough/belch. This is just common courtesy. When you neglect to do this, I am tempted to "rip one of the longest farts" you've ever heard, in the ambulance, and do it again at the ER, then closing the door behind me, and letting the staff know, NOT to go in there for at least 15 minutes.
21) If you tell me you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome, know that I'm rolling my eyes and thinking you're a looser.
22) If you list Haldol, Geodon, Xanax, Trazadone, and Wellbutrin as allergies, don't tell me you have NO psych history.
23) When going through triage, never sign in with chest pain because you were too embarrassed to write "penile sores" or "foul smelling discharge". This will piss off the triage RN, that she bumped you ahead of people who are REALLY sick and they'll make your visit a horrific one.
24) Although you've been in the ER 4 times this week, you cannot list any of the ER Doc's as your family physician.
25) DO NOT TALK TO ME WHILE I'M TRYING TO LISTEN TO YOUR LUNGS !!!!!
26) Don't tell me you have no money for medicine, while you have a carton of cigarettes in your purse (next to your cell phone), and each of your 7 children are playing with their own PSP's.
27) Gravida 7, at age 22, means you're a slut.