BMT (RIP)
02-15-2008, 09:07
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year- old shout
from the back seat, "Mom!
That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed
his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by
this child are not necessarily
those of his parent s."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of
the bottle. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the
phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
right now. She's hitting
the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little
boy before?
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Y es,"I
answered and continued writing the
report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police. Is that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,
then," she said as she extended
her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police
van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake,
was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got
back there?" he asked "It
sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
and then towards the back of
the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the vari ous appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in
a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never
believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit." "And why
not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning. "
9) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. "I'm just wasting my
time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I
can't write and they won't let
me talk!"
10) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out
of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages. "Mama, loo k what I found,"
the boy called out. "What have
you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear."
--
I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year- old shout
from the back seat, "Mom!
That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed
his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by
this child are not necessarily
those of his parent s."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of
the bottle. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the
phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you
right now. She's hitting
the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself
in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in
amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little
boy before?
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old.
Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Y es,"I
answered and continued writing the
report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I
should ask the police. Is that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well,
then," she said as she extended
her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police
van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake,
was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me "Is that a dog you got
back there?" he asked "It
sure is," I replied. Puzzled, the boy looked at me
and then towards the back of
the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon
rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the vari ous appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a
pair of false teeth soaking in
a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable
barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never
believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you
shouldn't wear that suit." "And why
not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a
headache the next morning. "
9) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. "I'm just wasting my
time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I
can't write and they won't let
me talk!"
10) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out
of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old
leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages. "Mama, loo k what I found,"
the boy called out. "What have
you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young
boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear."
--