Employee Evals

[gunnerjohn]

Actual quotes from employee evaluations

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

8. "He sets low personal standards an then consistently fails to achieve them."

9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection. "

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."

[Gypsy]

LOL! Some real zingers in that list. :D

[Radar Rider]

LOL! Some real zingers in that list. :D
That's true, but: How many of those did you read and then you thought to yourself "Hey, I KNOW that guy". :D

[kachingchingpow]

Here's the "Pusser's Rum" fitness eval list. It's classic. They were selected from Brit navy fitness evals over a period of years:


1. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
2. He would be out of his depth in a car-park puddle.
3. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
4. I would not breed from this officer.
5. In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
6. She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
7. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
8. Technically sound, but socially impossible.
9. The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.
10. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
11. This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar.
12. This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
13. This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope -- always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
14. This Officer should go far -- and the sooner he starts, the better.
15. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
16. When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
17. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
18. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

[Gypsy]

That's true, but: How many of those did you read and then you thought to yourself "Hey, I KNOW that guy". :D

Almost all of them! Especially considering the fact that I've interviewed hundreds of people over the years....some real winners out there. :D

[Air.177]

Hey, Those Bastards in HR told me that review was confidential!!:rolleyes:

[gunnerjohn]

Hey, Those Bastards in HR told me that review was confidential!!:rolleyes:

Blake, we couldn't publish what HR wrote. It would not make the censors for this site. :munchin