Lil Johnny

[BMT (RIP)]

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word
"fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm,
and we all saw his pet sheep It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
"fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and
I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use
the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no
way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her
tits are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

[Monsoon65]

Little Johnny was in school and the teacher was running thru the alphabet and having the kids come up with a word that matched the letter.

First letter is A, and Johnny is going nuts, raising his hand. Teacher thinks, "Nah, he'll say ass or something", so she picks Sally.

"Apple", says Sally. "Very good," says the teacher.

Next letter is B, but she's not going to pick Johnny because he'll say "bitch" or "bastard". So she picks Nicky, and he says, "Baseball."

"Very good," said the teacher.

So, they get down to the letter "W". Teacher can't think of any bad words that start with that letter, so she gives in and picks Johnny.

"Womb" says Johnny with a grin.

The teacher smiles. "You mean like what a baby is born in?"

"No, like two elephants screwing!!! WOMB!! WOMB!! WOMB!!!"

[Goggles Pizano]

Li'l Johnny is in a social studies class and the teacher is discussing agriculture using flash cards.

The teacher calls on a young girl, "Mary, can you tell me what this is a picture of?". "Why yes ma'am, that is an ear of corn.". "Very good Mary!".

The teacher calls on a young boy, "Bobby, can you tell me what this is a picture of?". "Why yes ma'am, that is a picture of a tractor!". "Very good Bobby!".

Finally the teacher calls upon Li'l Johnny, "Johnny, can you tell me what this is a picture of?". Johnny looks perplexed while staring at the card. "C'mon Johnny you know what this is.". Still Johnny stares blankly. Finally a frustrated teacher says, "It's a hoe Johnny, a hoe.". Johnny immediately replies, "My sister's a ho but she don't look like THAT!".

[gunnerjohn]

A new teacher was giving an assignment to her class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She quickly turned and asked, "What's so funny Pat?"

"Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters."

"Get out of my classroom," she yells, "I don't want to see you for three days."

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?"

"Well teacher, I just saw both of your garters."

Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom!" This time the punishment is more severe, "I don't want to see you for three weeks."

Embarrassed, she drops the eraser when she turns around, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an all out belly laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

"Where do you think you are going?" she asks.

"Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over."

[Cincinnatus]

The teacher asks, "Johnny, if there are three birds on a tree branch and you shoot one with your BB gun, how many are left on the branch?"

Johnny says, "None, Teach, the others would fly away."

"Well, Johnny, that's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think."

Johnny says, "OK, Teach, I got one for you. There are three women in an ice cream parlor. One of them is licking her cone, one is biting her cone, and one is sucking her cone. Which one isn't married?"

"Well," says the teacher blushing, "I guess it's the one sucking her cone."

"Nah," says Johnny, "It's the one without a wedding ring, but I like the way you think, Teach, I like the way you think."

[kachingchingpow]

Compliments of Jackie Martling on XM this morning...

One day Lil' Johnny sat in class, as the teacher described the human anatomy.

She flips to a slide with a huge picture of the human penis.

The teacher asks: "Does anyone know what this is?"

Lil Johnny raised his hand and sez: "I do!"

Reluctantly the teacher replied... "Oh go ahead Johnny."

"It's a penis," sez Johnny "my father has two of them!"

"Are you sure Johnny?" asks the teacher.

"Yeah, he's got a little one that he pee-pee's with and a big one that the baby-sitter brushes her teeth with!"

The teacher left the room and never came back.