View Full Version : Blond joke to end all blond jokes
Kyobanim
02-28-2006, 05:16
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Thanks!
Peregrino
02-28-2006, 09:26
Two for the price of one. :rolleyes: That was so bad it was good. Peregrino
Goggles Pizano
02-28-2006, 09:32
BWAAAAHHHHAAAHHAA! Ooooh man I am using that at roll call tonight! :D
Two Blondes were working on a roofing job. One on each side of the pitched roof. The one Blond noticed every so often the other Blond would throw away a nail from her tool belt. After observing this the one Blond finally asked "Why are you throwing our nails away" The other Blond responded "Most of them are defective because the pointed end is on the wrong end of the nail. The other Blond said “No stupid those nails are for this side of the roof.
frostfire
05-21-2006, 22:28
THE BET
Kevin, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 o'clock news was on and the news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Kevin.
Blonde: "Do you think he'll jump?"
Kevin: "Yes, I bet he'll jump."
Blonde: "Well, I bet he won't."
Kevin placed $20 on the bar and said: "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her $20 to Kevin.
Blonde: "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Kevin: "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5:00 o'clock news
and knew he would jump."
Blonde: "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again..."
Kevin took the money...
an encore:
Since there's a lot of heat and loving in the illegal immigrations thread, here's one from the maker of Capt .Wedley the disciplinator video:
(illegal)alien vs. predator
(copy and paste)youtube.com/watch?v=6tm44SympGA&search=predators
(copy and paste)braxtanfilm.com/iavp.html
Warrior-Mentor
05-21-2006, 23:21
The Illegal Alien vs Predator video is pretty funny.
I saw this vid for the first time at the 18th Abn Corps CG's brief last week. Damn funny. :D
SpartanWrestler
05-25-2006, 20:06
Those made me chuckle:D
The Illegal Alien vs Predator video is pretty funny.
Throw some mountains in the back ground you'll be on YPG
Tex Tackleberry
06-14-2006, 13:59
There were two women in an elevator a blonde and a brunette.
When the elevator stoped half way and a man walked in to the elevator going up.
The man was very handsome and had a great body.
But there was just one slight problem he had a major case of dandrift, to where you could see it all over his jacket.
After he got off the brunette said to the blonde"some body should give that guy Head&shoulders."
The blonde replied"how do you give shoulders"?
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."
Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.
Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
:D
Slantwire
06-15-2006, 08:03
A few quick ones.
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Two blondes in Oklahoma are sitting on a bench talking. One blonde asks the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde says, "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida????"
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A blonde is playing Trivial Pursuit and she lands on "Science & Nature." Her question is, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thinks for a time and then asks, "Is it on or off???"
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A blonde pushes her car into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died... After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He shrugs. "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
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A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks to see her license. She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday, you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!!!"
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A blonde goes out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side!"
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A highway patrolman pulls alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he is astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel is knitting! Realizing that she is oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!!!"
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A Russian, an American, and a blonde are boasting. The Russian says, "We were the first in space!"
The American responds, "We were the first on the moon!"
The blonde says: "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American look at each other and shake their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!"
The Blonde replies, "Duh, we're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!!!"
A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are sitting in an obstetrician's waiting room, where they are waiting to get prenatal checkups. They're all making small talk, talking about how excited they are to be mothers, et cetera.
The brunette says at one point, "Well, I know I'm going to have a boy."
"How do you know that?" the redhead asks.
"Because my husband was on top when we got pregnant," she replied.
"Well I guess I'm going to have a girl," says the redhead, "because I was on top the night my husband and I conceived."
They look at the blonde, expecting her answer. Her lip starts to quiver and she begins to sob, then cries out "Oh my God!"
"What's the matter honey?" The brunette asks, concerned for the girl.
"I'm going to have PUPPIES!"
SpartanWrestler
07-05-2006, 12:18
I've got one:
There are no illegal steroids...just people Chuck Norris has breathed on!
(for more go to www.youtube.com and search chuck norris)
:) :p :)
Cincinnatus
07-05-2006, 22:11
Poor SA
#1 That's not a blonde joke.
#2 There's a whole thread going on Chuck Norris jokes.
Poor SA
#1 That's not a blonde joke.
#2 There's a whole thread going on Chuck Norris jokes.
Maybe he IS, Blonde.
If that's so, that would be a funny joke. :D
A blind SF vet enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender in a loud voice, "Hey bartender, you wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls deathly quiet.
In a deep, husky voice, the woman seated next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things. One - the bartender is a blonde woman; two - the bouncer is a blonde woman; three - the woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional boxer; four -the lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler; and five - I'm a 6-foot, 200 pound blonde woman with a Ph.D., a black belt in karate, and a very bad attitude! Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"
The blind SF vet thinks for a second, shakes his head and says, "Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times." :D
LibraryLady
07-06-2006, 19:18
There were three women stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and was getting really tired. Then she swam further, ten miles from the island, but she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. Then the redhead said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she starts swimmming. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, but as she got about 10 miles out even she got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned. So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make for the mainland too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.
LL